Showing Up

So many times. So many times I’ve opened up a new page on WordPress in an attempt to write, and nothing flows. It’s my own doing– I’ve been neglecting my writing lately. I miss it. I miss being in flow, feeling the creative spark and running to my notebook or phone to jot down an idea. The more time I spend writing, the more the ideas come to me. That’s how it works with everything, right? The grass is greener where we water it, and all that. While not publicly on this blog, I have been writing a little here and there. But the writing I feel the need and desire to do has been neglected.

Mostly, I attribute it to being busy. But that’s such an easy excuse. I got a promotion at work recently and now spend even more time being extroverted and sitting in front of a computer all day. So come the end of the day, when the baby toddler is in bed and I have time to write, I haven’t been able to force myself to do so. My brain wants to check out, not dial in. My fingers want to be swimming in a bag of chips, not tapping on a keyboard. It’s been a struggle.

So, I’m showing up tonight. At 8:43 PM after a long, long day at work…I’m showing up. And I’m going to show up again tomorrow. And the day after. I want to keep showing up.

I don’t know what I’ll write about when I show up each day, I trust it will come to me if I dedicate the time to be here. And I am also trusting this will help motivate me to get back to the writing I really want to revisit, but am not making time for– the book I’m working on. I have over 50 poems and essays on motherhood and I haven’t worked on it for months. I feel sad about that, I want to revisit her. Why does it feel so hard?

Tonight I’ll share a piece from the motherhood book that I liked writing, and enjoyed rereading tonight. I guess that’s one neat thing about taking such a long break from my book, from my own writing. I forgot a lot of what I wrote, so reading it now feels almost like I’m reading someone else’s words. It allows me to more objectively assess it, and realize how much I love it, or where I should change it.

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8 thoughts on “Showing Up

  1. I love this poem Courtney!!  Thanks for sharing. I just finished reading, while also listening on Audible to Amanda Gorman reading, Call Us What We Carry.  All I can say is I find her to be so brilliant and creative, just amazing to be only 24 years old.  I wonder if you would like her too. Love you!Virginia

  2. I, for one, am so happy to hear from you again and read your beautiful insights. Remember the word sabotage, we learned in our class. For some reason we like to sabotage ourselves and keep ourselves from our heart’s desire. We have all been there many times. Thanks for working thru it and showing back up for yourself and us. XO. Bonnie

    • Thanks for your sweet comment. And yes, the sabotage! I wish we could do another round of the NYCE class, enjoyed it so much and it kept the creative fire going all week long after each meeting. Hope you are doing well!! Would love to catch up.

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