Silent Goodbyes

For Noreen & Duane

Grieving

It has been a few months since my grandpa died. Since then, my grandma and I have shared many conversations about him, their marriage, their lives as individuals, and the grieving process. As I sat in line at the carwash a few days ago catching up with “Memow” on the phone, I asked her what…

All Posts / Writing as Therapy

Stillness

All Posts

Expanded

For Renee, Charlotte, Christina, and Katy What happens to a motherWhen the heart she grew for youSuddenly has to make room For two What happens to a motherWho once spent her daysPlayingTeachingCuddlingDancingBribingLaughingExplainingExploring Is now married to the couch, bed, or kitchen floorReally anywhere the newest and most helpless childNeeds her more What happens to a motherWho…

All Posts / Writing as Therapy

Formula

I had to stop breastfeeding when the baby was 5 weeks oldI say had to, but really, it was a choiceThat’s what motherhood is– choice after choice after choiceHow will I mother in this moment?How will I respond to the things that are out of my control today? I had to decided to stop breastfeeding…

Daylight Savings

Screaming for Smiles

Today I encountered a woman screaming at her children because she wanted to take a photo of them smiling in front of a lake. Her kids were grinning at each other, at passers by, up at the cloudless sky, across the gleaming water– they were smiling at everything except for their mom. In fact, they…

The Life Pro Tip (LPT) Series on The Other Courtney

I’m excited to share a new series that I’ll post intermittently on my blog called “Life Pro Tip.” I obviously didn’t create this term, in fact on Reddit, the Life Pro Tip subreddit has around 20,000 people who follow it and enjoy sharing/reading Life Pro Tips. So, what is a LPT? It’s an idea, way…

Vow Renewal

An excerpt from the book I’m working on- prose and essays on motherhood. The first timeA short service On a crisp spring dayStars in our eyesPromises on our lipsI doAnd I do, too The second timeA 3-day ceremonySoundtracked by tears and breaths In perfect synchronyWorking to bring our creationEarthside and into our arms The third time Standing in…

Lessons From a Bumble Bee

Sitting in the garden last week, as if in slow motion,I watched my daughter touch a bumble bee on the backAnd then lean forward to blow it a loud, exaggerated kissBefore it flew away Maybe not the safest thing to be observing, without stepping in,But I was mesmerized by the sceneAnd I was also tiredBut…

Grandpa

This past weekend, on Saturday, August 14th, my grandfather passed away. It’s strange writing this out knowing that his email address is subscribed to my blog, so as soon as I hit “publish”, an inbox that used to belong to my grandpa will get a notification announcing his passing. It’s all just…strange. Two weeks ago,…

Mental Health Barometer

Have you ever taken the time to think through and write out what a healthy state of mental functioning looks like for you? We know automatically what physical wellness feels like. It’s something we have been in-tune with our whole lives. Our first wellness checks at the doctor start at 2 days old, and they…

Feeling All The Feels

For over a year now, I have been participating in a Monday night zoom call called “Monday Mamas.” It is facilitated by the lovely Dawn Geschiere of Yes To Life Coaching. This month, we are having weekly, facilitated discussions around the topic of courage. About two months ago, Dawn was diagnosed with breast cancer. Being…

Macaroni and Cheese

People talk about the big moments of parenting. The things your spouse will do that make you fall more in or out of love with them as you embark on the daily practice of raising a child together. There are the obvious moments I feel more in love. Watching him cradle our infant just minutes…

Desensitization: The ‘What If’ Homework

Over the last year and a half, my anxiety has gone through some interesting evolutions. At the beginning of the pandemic, when I was also one month postpartum, it was at an all time high. In recent months, it has been at an all time low. In fact a few weeks ago I kept feeling…