Expanded

For Renee, Charlotte, Christina, and Katy What happens to a motherWhen the heart she grew for youSuddenly has to make room For two What happens to a motherWho once spent her daysPlayingTeachingCuddlingDancingBribingLaughingExplainingExploring Is now married to the couch, bed, or kitchen floorReally anywhere the newest and most helpless childNeeds her more What happens to a motherWho…

Formula

I had to stop breastfeeding when the baby was 5 weeks oldI say had to, but really, it was a choiceThat’s what motherhood is– choice after choice after choiceHow will I mother in this moment?How will I respond to the things that are out of my control today? I had to decided to stop breastfeeding…

Screaming for Smiles

Today I encountered a woman screaming at her children because she wanted to take a photo of them smiling in front of a lake. Her kids were grinning at each other, at passers by, up at the cloudless sky, across the gleaming water– they were smiling at everything except for their mom. In fact, they…

Feeling All The Feels

For over a year now, I have been participating in a Monday night zoom call called “Monday Mamas.” It is facilitated by the lovely Dawn Geschiere of Yes To Life Coaching. This month, we are having weekly, facilitated discussions around the topic of courage. About two months ago, Dawn was diagnosed with breast cancer. Being…

Macaroni and Cheese

People talk about the big moments of parenting. The things your spouse will do that make you fall more in or out of love with them as you embark on the daily practice of raising a child together. There are the obvious moments I feel more in love. Watching him cradle our infant just minutes…

Courting Creativity

For two months now, I have been dedicated to a daily practice. Each morning I wake up and write morning pages before doing anything else. Some mornings my eyes are half open as I write and I can barely see the words spilling onto my pages. The mornings I think I have nothing to write…

Praying for Keeps

Millions of prayers whisperedAs parents look down on their young A full lifeA future wifeHealth, wealth, and safety These words are prayers but more like pleasA dealA demandA need We dream of hopes for those tiny toesAnd wishes for that grinBut what if all we hope for them is already within? I pray for self-acceptance,…

Existential

Ever since having a child, mortality is on my mind a lot more than usual. I have always known life is precious, not guaranteed, too short, and all the other appropriate and relevant clichés. But now having a daughter, it’s like a daily, (literally) screaming reminder of how much there is to miss out on…

I Saw You, Too

The following poem was written by a friend of mine who attended a protest in Louisville, Kentucky yesterday. I have read it several times over, and each time I find something new in it to love, each time something hits a little differently. Thanks, Jas, for your beautiful words. Your bravery. Your insight. Your compassion,…