The Shore

I don’t recall the last time I laughed so muchOr cared so littleEspecially with spandex coveringOr barely coveringThe softest parts of my body The beach was crowded when we entered the surfBut when we emerged hours laterThe sudden emptiness surrounding us felt disorientingWhere were the sun tents, the castle builders, the couples?Even the seagulls had…

Praying for Keeps

Millions of prayers whisperedAs parents look down on their young A full lifeA future wifeHealth, wealth, and safety These words are prayers but more like pleasA dealA demandA need We dream of hopes for those tiny toesAnd wishes for that grinBut what if all we hope for them is already within? I pray for self-acceptance,…

On Mothers and Cups

If we don’t think it’s important to teach our children that our needs as a parent and person matter, we are incidentally teaching our children that someday, their cups won’t matter either. We are teaching them how to be a martyr. That their life, wellbeing, and happiness is dictated by others and they don’t have a say in the matter.

Exactly Enough

People start asking you very soon after having a child if you plan to have a second one. A harmless and understandable question, sure. But it always sends a shock through me. I know the socially appropriate way to respond, so I smile and give a lighthearted, “Maybe!” or “We’ll see!” Sometimes if I have the time…

The Questionnaire

I sat in the lobby waiting to hear my name. Mismatched clothes, slippers for shoes, bloated and empty belly resting on my striped thighs. I couldn’t look at the glowing women around me, I wondered what they might see in my face? Terror Exhaustion Apathy Sadness Counterfeit joy Envy Anger Confusion Physical pain Emotional pain…

Parted

I’ve been thinking about our hearts How you listened to mine beating for months How I listened to yours beating for months How you felt the steady rhythm of mine creating a soft vibration against your forming body How I watched yours on a little black screen, smiling at each rhythmic rise and fall I’ve…

What Scares Me About Having Kids (It’s Not the Kids)

As my husband and I approach our seventh year together and our second wedding anniversary, we are fielding more and more “when will the babies come?” questions from friends and family. They have led to a few late night, not-so-serious baby discussions between us, but in all honesty, we are still really enjoying living child-free.…

The Woman in the Background

Dear Mom, There was a photo taken at my wedding a few months ago (remember that big, insanely expensive party?) that I think sums up the kind of mom you are. It was a candid photo, I don’t think either of us knew the photographer was snapping away. I was getting my hair done and…

The Hilarity of Crying Babies

Today I discovered a tumblr blog called Reasons My Son is Crying. It is one of the funniest blogs I’ve ever seen and I can’t decide if it makes me want to have kids more (just so I can copycat his blog) or go get spayed immediately. If you don’t think kids crying is funny,…