I cannot express the amount of relief, happiness, giddiness, and peace I am experiencing right now. Isaac too, for that matter.

If you have read my two prior posts about the mass that was discovered on my ovary last Friday, then you know how anxious I have been about it. I have been trying to stay brave and calm, but I have been terrified.

Today my doctor called at 9am to tell me I had a 1pm appointment to investigate the mass. I was grateful, as I couldn’t bear spending another clueless night, but still apprehensive. At 12pm I left my office and felt like I was going to vomit. Or soil my pants. Maybe both. It hit me that this doctor’s appointment could be a game changer in my life. As hard as I tried to push away the pessimistic thoughts, I couldn’t help but think “is today the day that I begin my journey with ovarian cancer? Is this really going to be my life?” It may seem dramatic, but driving to a doctor’s appointment to explore a “complex looking mass the size of a baseball on the right ovary” feels like hell. It was one of the scariest days of my life.

I won’t go into details about the doctor appointment, this would no longer be a PG post ;-), but we were there for a total of three and a half hours. It was uncomfortable, scary, and a little painful, but my doctor was really great. It turns out he went to my same high school in Northern Virginia, small world! After reviewing my CT scan from Friday, the doc had an idea of what the mass may be. Down to the ultrasound room we went.

The sonogram tech showed my left ovary, it was normal looking. She then brought my right ovary onto the screen and it was HUGE. It took over almost the entire screen! I’m pretty sure my eyes were bugging out of my head. She said “I can’t believe you weren’t crawling in here today with the size of this thing.” I still felt no relief, as I didn’t know if this gigantic mass was dangerous or just for show.

My doctor walked in the room, took one look at the screen that showed my “bundle of joy” and said “oh good, it’s a hemmorrhagic cyst.” I didn’t know what that was, but hearing the word “hemorrhage” sure didn’t sound good.

Turns out, it IS good news. It is NOT a tumor and is in no way related to ovarian cancer. In a nutshell here is what a hemorrhagic cyst is:

A hemorrhagic cyst develops when one of the small blood vessels located in the wall of a recently formed cyst breaks for some reason. Blood from the vessel then spills into the body of the cyst, causing it to begin swelling at a fairly consistent pace. Along with creating a significant amount of pain, a cyst of this type will often begin to develop blood clots. The clots can further complicate the situation by restricting blood flow. This in turn increases the level of discomfort, as well as increasing the risk for some type of damage to the ovaries. (source

Okay, it’s kind of gross, sorry you probably didn’t want to read all that but I don’t care…because it means that I am going to be just fine!! The doctor said he was a little worried that he was going to find that my fallopian tube had twisted, meaning that instead of sitting here and typing this right now I would be in emergency surgery. Thank God that wasn’t the case.

There is really no way to shrink the cyst, other than time. The doctor warned that it may take months to shrink and all I can really do is try to manage the pain. I will be going back for checkups to see it’s progress. In the meantime, I’ll have to suspend or cancel my YMCA gym membership because the only activity I am allowed to do is walking or swimming, for months! Yikes. Considering running and weight lifting have become HUGE parts of my weekly regime, that breaks my heart a little bit. But? I can deal with it. TRUST ME, I’m okay with it.

I cannot thank my friends and family enough for the words of encouragement, text messages, emails, prayers, and phone calls throughout the past few days. They meant the world to me and reassured me that when times get hard, I have so many people who care about me.

Tonight Isaac and I are celebrating the good news with video games, beer (for him), and lots of chocolate (for me). The near crippling anxiety that we both felt this morning is already far from our minds, and we have been laughing at my ability to make anybody and everybody feel awkward. Constantly referring to my cyst as a “bundle of joy” and asking “is it a boy?” mid-ultrasound made the ultrasound tech noticeably (and hilariously) uncomfortable. Aaahhhhhh, still got it.

23 thoughts on “IT’S NAHT A TUMAH!!!

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  8. That’s great! I am so happy that it was nothing major and that you can finally relax!!! Hopefully it will get better quickly and with as little pain as possible : )

  9. Praise God for the good news, and it’s great to see you maintain such a positive attitude through it all.We’ll keep you in our prayers and pray the cyst subsides quickly.

  10. What a relief!! So HAPPY about the results, though know you hate to stop your exercising routine. Just hope it’s gone in the next couple of months and they go by quickly!

  11. Holy Relief Hallelujah!!! So.. in keeping with the end of your post, I say we change Tamara’s name to Mary ; ) or maybe Carrie πŸ˜‰ And yes, I am still doing my out of control happy dance from your email earlier !! πŸ™‚ And thinking of sending you a cool and funny swim cap! ❀

  12. You already know how relieved and happy I am for you but I just keep thinking about it (and you). I love you to pieces and am really happy that you put the medical terms in there! I love you and am so elated that Tamara won’t be a permanent bundle!!

    • Yeah I can’t describe what a hemorrhagic cyst is to save my life, still. If people ask I’ll just have to say “google it.” I am also happy that Tamara won’t be a permanent fixture in my life. Hopefully I can ditch the ho soon!!

  13. Wow, what great news. Selfishly, I am very glad I didn’t read your last two posts until after I read this one – they still brought tears to my eyes, even knowing the good outcome! I’m sorry for all the stress you’ve been through, but perhaps the relief is that much sweeter for it. Take care of that sweet bundle. I really wish you had set Isaac up with a hidden camera directed at that ultrasound technician.

    • You are right Devon, Isaac and I were just talking about how the hard times in life can be good because when they are over, the relief is heavenly. It feels amazing. I will take care of my sweet bundle! It’s funny because since my mind is so relieved now I keep forgetting about it, bending over or leaning to my right, and quickly being reminded of how much it still hurts! Whoops. haha.

      DANGIT! Next time, we’ll setup the camera!

  14. Whew! What a relief – I’m so glad to hear that everything is going to be totally fine. I will tell you (from experience – not the same experience, but still…) cutting the gym out is going to totally suck; however, it’s a small price to pay for the good news you received today. This is just the kind of kick in the pants we all need sometimes to remind us how very lucky we all are. Once you’re cleared, you’ll hit it hard and see some amazing progress. So very happy!

    • Thanks girl, I think you’re exactly right!! I’ll take siting on the bench for a few months any day over cancer or something else serious. Feeling so blessed.

  15. Courtney, I’m SO happy everything turned out, um, beautifully? I’m glad you’re alright and are on the road, both physically and mentally, to recovery. XO

    • Thank you, SL!! Yes, mentally I already feel 90% better (there is still a part of me that is totally freaked out by this thing) and physically…I’ll get there. Thanks for your kind words throughout the whole thing.

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