In book club the other night, a question was posed to the group, “Do you trust yourself?” Crickets for a while, then a few stifled laughs, and then a waterfall of “no” and “absolutely not” answers spilled out around the 12-foot table. I thought for a while about it, as deeply as one can possibly think about something at a crowded, noisy bar. Ultimately, I decided that yes, I do trust myself. I shared with the group that sometimes I don’t act as I want to in a given moment, and don’t always know the right move to make, but I trust myself to later recognize it, revisit, revise, and speak my truth or make amends as needed.

Internally, I had the realization that the daily writing practice I’ve been diligent with has contributed heavily to the ability to trust myself. I think that a while back, my answer may have also been a “no” or “usually not”, when asked about trusting myself. But daily journaling and reflecting has given me many gifts– one of them being the ability to learn more about my deepest values, desires, feelings, patterns, and thought processes. This has translated into the ability to trust myself not only in the rear view mirror, but in the present while facing difficult decisions that require not only knowledge, but a gut instinct.

That’s as far as I got in the moment, so I took to some journaling this morning to further explore– what does it really mean to trust yourself?

Trusting yourself means you believe yourself. You believe your feelings when you’re mad, trusting that it’s valid and there’s a good reason to be mad. You believe that when you’re happy, there is joy and something to celebrate, even when there’s also heartbreak around you, and maybe living in pieces of you. Trusting yourself is believing that the past you did the best she could (or maybe not, and that’s OK too). Trusting yourself is believing that present you is making intentional choices that are authentic and rooted in choice, versus someone else dictating them and charting a route for you. Trusting yourself is believing that the future you is competent, resourceful, and will have support in whatever challenges and joys come her way.

This last one, the trusting your future self, is probably the most difficult one for me, as anxiety loves to live in the future and send messages back to the current self proclaiming, “You won’t believe how awful this is! You won’t believe how lonely, scary, and unexpectedly terrible everything is! Whatever you’re imagining, it’s worse. You won’t be able to handle it here. XoXo, Future Me.“

But then I look at my present self. The one that is living out the life that past me was, at one point, worried about. And present me, she’s living in trust of herself and others. She’s got it. When she doesn’t “got it”, she seeks out others to help her grab onto a handle or lifeline somewhere. She’s surrounded by love and support, living in intentionality and choice, revising, making amends, and changing her mind whenever needed to stay in that lane.

She proclaims to the future self, “I trust you.”

Trusting yourself is believing you are good, even when making bad choices. Trusting yourself is believing that the things your’e struggling with today will not always be a challenge, and likewise, the things you’re succeeding in today may be difficult at some point. And you can trust in your ability to adapt and remain flexible through it all. You trust that you’ll always look at what’s in front of you (actually in front of you, not what you wish were in front of you), and plan your next steps thoughtfully. And sometimes recklessly, and that’s also OK. Revisit and revise, remember?

Trusting yourself is knowing that priorities and needs shift each day, each hour sometimes. So trusting yourself is doing what feels right, or at least not totally wrong, and is in support of what you value and want to nourish.

Trusting yourself is believing yourself.