Silent Goodbyes

For Noreen & Duane

Formula

I had to stop breastfeeding when the baby was 5 weeks oldI say had to, but really, it was a choiceThat’s what motherhood is– choice after choice after choiceHow will I mother in this moment?How will I respond to the things that are out of my control today? I had to decided to stop breastfeeding…

6 Months In Isolation: Everything a Contradiction

I want to be alone I want to be with people, even the loud and stumbling and belligerent ones Don’t touch me, I’m claustrophobic Hug me tightly and hold my face in your hands, even if they’re clammy I need a routine I want to live each day different from the last I want to…

The Questionnaire

I sat in the lobby waiting to hear my name. Mismatched clothes, slippers for shoes, bloated and empty belly resting on my striped thighs. I couldn’t look at the glowing women around me, I wondered what they might see in my face? Terror Exhaustion Apathy Sadness Counterfeit joy Envy Anger Confusion Physical pain Emotional pain…

When Babies Bring Immense Happiness With a Side of Trauma Response

The weird thing about trauma exposure is that it can come back in unexpected, powerful ways. Even years after the trauma has occurred, and you have been mostly symptom-free, something can trigger a trauma response and you are nearly powerless to its might. Trauma affects the way our brains develop, how we behave, and how…

The Catch Up

PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH That is the sound of me blowing the dust off the ol’ blog. It has been over two years since I have written here, dayum! When typing in my blog address this afternoon, I wondered if I would have to log in again or if by some miracle it would still be auto logged-in.…

Replacing Empathy With Superiority

A trending news story right now is a tragic one, as most seem to be these days. In Cincinnati, a 4-year old boy fell into a gorilla enclosure at the zoo, and after being dragged around by the 400-pound gorilla for 10 minutes, the zoo made the decision to shoot and kill him. The gorilla, not…

A New and Improved Imaginary Me

Most kids go through an imaginary friend stage. Some adults go through it too, but I think we refer to that as Schizophrenia. When we were kids, my sister had a set of imaginary friends who would only come out to play when the toilet was being flushed. Bizarre, yes, but it seemed harmless enough.…

Huffington Post Interview

Hi Friends! I am excited and honored to have been asked to do a LIVE webcam interview with the Huffington Post! We discussed overcoming anxiety, something I’m a little familiar with. 🙂 Here is the link! Huff Post Live: Overcoming Anxiety

Unmasking Mast Cell Disease: An Interview With a Fighter and Survivor

I saw her photos on Instagram and was immediately drawn to them. We had a lot in common, it seemed. We both owned chocolate labradoodles, had anaphylactic allergies, and lived in the Carolinas. The more I got to “know” Brynn Duncan, however, I realized that while we did have things in common, our lives were…