Isaac and I don’t fight a lot, we got that out early on in our relationship. Even then, we never went at it the way I have with past boyfriends. The reason is probably because at the beginning when we would disagree about something and I would start to BLOW UP at him (it was the only way I knew to fight), he would calmly say “we aren’t doing this. We can talk about it, but I’m not fighting like this with you.” And so we didn’t. We talked about things instead. Now we’ve been together over five years and I can honestly say that our relationship is one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever been in. In fact, he has taught me a lot about conflict resolution and handling arguments like an adult.
I know it sounds silly, but before I just didn’t realize you could fight with someone without raising your voice, bulging your eyes, and making broad, black and white statements like “you NEVER do nice things for me” or “you ALWAYS make me feel lonely.” Isaac taught me the danger in using statements like that. They aren’t fair and they make it easier to play the victim, making it nearly impossible to see the other person’s point of view in a disagreement. Now I can much easier take each disagreement at face value. I can consciously tell myself “right now Isaac is making me feel angry, but he makes me happy 99% of the time. So tell him exactly what he is doing that is making me upset, and deal with just that issue right now.” It is effective.
Don’t get me wrong, there are times we get heated and upset with each other (when I accidentally kicked him in the jewels and then laughed a little too hard or he dropped me on my head while joking around), but the name-calling, cursing, and raised voice fighting is long gone.
Due to the scarcity of our fights, I tend to remember them all very clearly. For some reason, I cannot stop thinking about a certain fight of ours and it has made me spontaneously burst into hysterics over the past 3 days. It went something like this:
Isaac: All we ever do is sit on this couch and watch our TV shows and I play video games. I’m so tired of it, we need to do more. And all you do all weekend is bark at me like a freaking dog. You just lay there and bark at me. I was on a work call earlier and I could barely hear the person because you were downstairs barking at me!
I was speechless, then started laughing, then I put my serious face back on. I could tell Isaac meant business. I couldn’t help but think “is this a fight that other couples have?? Somewhere out there is a man getting angry at his loving fiance because she won’t stop barking at him, especially while he’s on work calls?” I mean, we can’t be the only ones, right?
Maybe, maybe not. All I know is if our fights mainly consist of an insane girl who makes animal noises at inappropriate times at her fiance (who also does bizarre, unnatural, and barbaric things I might add), then I’d say we are in pretty good shape. Our fights are normally the result of one of us playing too hard or joking too much. It is a good life.
Gotta run, I’m off to practice my elephant impression in the mirror before he gets home from class.