My Favorite Fight

Isaac and I don’t fight a lot, we got that out early on in our relationship. Even then, we never went at it the way I have with past boyfriends. The reason is probably because at the beginning when we would disagree about something and I would start to BLOW UP at him (it was the only way I knew to fight), he would calmly say “we aren’t doing this. We can talk about it, but I’m not fighting like this with you.” And so we didn’t. We talked about things instead. Now we’ve been together over five years and I can honestly say that our relationship is one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever been in. In fact, he has taught me a lot about conflict resolution and handling arguments like an adult.

I know it sounds silly, but before I just didn’t realize you could fight with someone without raising your voice, bulging your eyes, and making broad, black and white statements like “you NEVER do nice things for me” or “you ALWAYS make me feel lonely.” Isaac taught me the danger in using statements like that. They aren’t fair and they make it easier to play the victim, making it nearly impossible to see the other person’s point of view in a disagreement. Now I can much easier take each disagreement at face value. I can consciously tell myself “right now Isaac is making me feel angry, but he makes me happy 99% of the time. So tell him exactly what he is doing that is making me upset, and deal with just that issue right now.” It is effective.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times we get heated and upset with each other (when I accidentally kicked him in the jewels and then laughed a little too hard or he dropped me on my head while joking around), but the name-calling, cursing, and raised voice fighting is long gone.

Due to the scarcity of our fights, I tend to remember them all very clearly. For some reason, I cannot stop thinking about a certain fight of ours and it has made me spontaneously burst into hysterics over the past 3 days. It went something like this:

Isaac: All we ever do is sit on this couch and watch our TV shows and I play video games. I’m so tired of it, we need to do more. And all you do all weekend is bark at me like a freaking dog. You just lay there and bark at me. I was on a work call earlier and I could barely hear the person because you were downstairs barking at me!

I was speechless, then started laughing, then I put my serious face back on. I could tell Isaac meant business. I couldn’t help but think “is this a fight that other couples have?? Somewhere out there is a man getting angry at his loving fiance because she won’t stop barking at him, especially while he’s on work calls?” I mean, we can’t be the only ones, right?

Maybe, maybe not. All I know is if our fights mainly consist of an insane girl who makes animal noises at inappropriate times at her fiance (who also does bizarre, unnatural, and barbaric things I might add), then I’d say we are in pretty good shape. Our fights are normally the result of one of us playing too hard or joking too much. It is a good life.

Gotta run, I’m off to practice my elephant impression in the mirror before he gets home from class.

2007, happier than ever

2007, happier than ever

16 thoughts on “My Favorite Fight

  1. Pingback: 2013 In Pictures | The Other Courtney

  2. Oh that is majorly awesome! I would like to be able to actually talk out arguments with people around me but they just like the yelling explosions. Ugh.

    • It is awesome. What I had to learn was to not be a “reactor” to a situation. Just because someone else is going off the deep end doesn’t mean I have to raise my voice or fire back with insults. It is almost more satisfying to be really calm and watch them get even more angry because you aren’t sinking to their level!!

  3. It is good that the two of you have figured out a way to communicate your differences in ways that do not invove verbal abuse. I was never in a relationship that was so intensly overboard with yelling…so I am lucky I think.

    However, on the flip side of the coin, I have been in relationships where the mode of fighting is the silent treatment…which can be incredibly frustrating. (And I admit, I was guilty of that form of unfair fighting myself)

    The main thing to me though …. is it sounds like you and he are trying…when you each get angry at one another…you try to let the other know why.

    • Well, maybe I painted a wrong picture haha- I definitely wouldn’t consider it verbal abuse how it was before, it just wasn’t fair fighting. Now we just have very open communication style relationship and say what is upsetting us from the get go- a much happier way to live! πŸ™‚

  4. You are so lucky to have someone who will talk to you about problems instead of yell — or worse, NOT SAY ANYTHING.

    But seriously maybe Isaac is a cat person. You should try meowing.

    • I agree!! Open communication is CRUCIAL in a relationship. I watch so many friends and family members’ relationships deteriorate simply because of a lack of communication. Sad!

      Hmmm he’s definitely not a cat person (both dog people here)….maybe I should just practice my barking when he’s not on work calls haha!! What my post didn’t mention was that he growls and barks at me constantly, too. It’s a zoo up in our hizzouse.

  5. As I read this post out loud to Josh (a common occurrence in our house), he said “Man I wish they lived closer.” Lol.

    • Oh my gosh that post of hers cracked me up!! I know what she means about trying to not do the animal sounds in public, sometimes it’s hard to restrain myself to not growl at Isaac in front of others. In fact, it has now earned me the nickname “woofie.” He calls me “woofie” more than my actual name, and I kind of love it.

      I love that you make animal sounds at your lucky husband, too! hahaha! Our men are so lucky to have us crazies to keep things interesting πŸ˜‰

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