Life for Isaac and I has gotten very routine. I didn’t realize just how robot-like we had gotten until our recent vacation to Seabrook Island. Every week it’s the same exact thing, and we can’t do much about it. Because I have gotten so used to my routine, it was really difficult for me to relax on our vacation. It took 3 days for me to get the hang of sitting down with my fiance to share a box of cereal for breakfast. My brain is programmed to scarf a yogurt before running out the door to work. Being together for lunch and then dinner was amazing, but felt weird. Watching the sunset together was perfect, but the thought of not seeing another sunset with Isaac for another 6 months broke my heart. Thinking back on our trip, I think I had my guard up. I wanted to enjoy every split second I had with my fiance, but was scared to enjoy it too much. It’s like getting a tiny taste of the most delicious chocolate, and then having to give it up for another 6 months.
By the third day, when my body and brain finally decided that it was okay to be on vacation and stray away from my normal routine, it was time to go home.
I hate that it has gotten so easy for us to exist in a state of hi’s and goodbye’s. While he’s still sleeping, I kiss him goodbye in the morning. When I’m sleeping at night and he finishes studying in the wee hours of the morning, he kisses me goodnight. The times we are finally together are often interrupted by his on-call phone ringing or me literally falling asleep mid-conversation.
Last weeks vacation felt like a wake up call to me. I don’t want a distance to grow between Isaac and I just because we are busy. I think it is important to find ways to reconnect- even if it means doing a spur of the moment drive to a nearby town for dinner. It would get us out of our routine, out of our comfort zone.
It feels weird to miss someone when he is living in the same house as you. I am grateful to have his presence in the house, but I miss the carelessness that our relationship has always possessed. It isn’t gone, just on hold until we get our next break from our everyday lives. I need to remember that.
I feel a little silly even writing about me “missing him” because my best friend’s husband has been in Afghanistan for the past year. Talk about having to miss your spouse! She gets to speak to him every few days on a terrible skype connection or over facebook chat, all while juggling a 7-month old and a 2-year old. So compared to that, Isaac and I are golden.
I am going to make a conscious effort now to BE with my fiance. I need to start putting my phone down more so I can make our limited time together count. [I have a serious iPhone problem. I can’t stop touching it! Even if there is nothing beeping, ringing, or buzzing, I am clicking random icons to appease my condition.]
I can’t wait for our next vacation, even if it’s a drive through the country on a Saturday afternoon or cooking breakfast together.