It’s no secret that sex sells.

If you look through any magazine or watch TV for approximately 30 seconds, you will see scantily clad women selling everything from Doritos to toilet paper. Trust me, nothing makes me want to buy a particular brand of toilet paper more than a woman with a perfect behind and plump red lips, subliminally telling me that if I too use this toilet paper, I will be free of cellulite and all things ugly.

Have you ever seen a car commercial with an overweight, pale, socially awkward woman behind the wheel? No? Odd.

I get it, this is the 21st Century and using beautiful people to sell crappy merchandise is a must. But where do we draw the line?

I like to read trashy magazines while eating, it is a habit I can’t shake. I think I have gotten to the point where I cannot physically feed myself if I’m not reading about how Snooki is pregnant with alien twins or how anorexic Angelina is these days (When I am eating with others this rule can be broken, but only then). Flipping through Cosmopolitan this afternoon, I came across an ad that almost made me choke on my frosted mini wheat.

Let me try to understand this breast cancer awareness ad, right after I stop staring at the boob on the right hand side with the almost nip-slip.

Okay, I’m back. How is an orgy of pouty-lipped airbrushed girls (they don’t look old enough to be called women) necessary in raising awareness about breast cancer?! They don’t look like they are performing self-examinations, they look like they just got caught making out. It actually made me pretty angry. I started wondering if I am being too sensitive about it, but I don’t think I am. Next are we going to start seeing ads of sexy men in tight underwear grabbing their “junk” to raise awareness about testicular cancer? 

I love how breast cancer awareness has blown up in the past few years, I really do. I know of several women whose lives have been saved because a magazine ad, TV commercial, or local 5k reminded them to perform self examinations, only to find a lump. It’s not something that should be taken lightly. This is why fads like “post your bra color as your Facebook status in order to stop breast cancer” drive me crazy. That is NOT raising breast cancer awareness, that is acting immature and trashy and using cancer as an excuse to do so. And no, I’m not bitter just because my idea of “sexy lingerie” is wearing a bra that isn’t a horrible shade of used-to-be-white-but-is-now-gray-and-needs-to-be-retired-or-burnt-as-soon-as-possible.

Sayings like “save the ta ta’s” also make me cringe. Why must it take silly sayings and a naked fondling trio for women to learn about breast cancer? In my opinion, an ad featuring a woman who underwent a double mastectomy would be much more powerful than 18 year olds groping each other. Seeing these young girls’ naked bodies only made me think “man, I need to work out more” even after I realized it was a breast cancer awareness ad. An 8×10 page of a woman with scars where her breasts used to be? That would have an impact on me, and probably every woman who values her “girls.” That could save a life.