How I thought today was going to go:
Wake up, work at the school from 8-5, work at the restaurant from 5-11, come home, relax with Isaac, sleep.
How today actually went:
Woke up at 6:30am sobbing because of abdominal pain, went to work at 10:30am when the pain lessened, left work at 10:45am to go to the doctor (something felt wrong), blood tests, urine tests, scary metal objects going into scary sensitive places, awkward exams by a man with much too large hands (he didn’t even buy me dinner first, sheesh!) lots of pushing on throbbing abdomen, nasty contrast drink, and finally a CT Scan.
While waiting for the CT Scan results I texted my mom saying that the pain was dull now, everything just kind of hurt and it felt like there was a golf ball in my stomach. From what my primary doctor had said, we were fully expecting to hear that I probably just had an ovarian cyst burst, but it might be an appendicitis. Either way, not the worst thing in the world. I was positive.
The nurse called me to the front desk and put a phone receiver in my hand, my doctor was on the phone. “You have a cystic mass in one of your ovaries. It doesn’t look like a normal ovarian cyst, it seems more complex. I need to review your chart and x-ray more so I’m going to call your cell in a bit, okay?”
A mass.
That word is all I kept hearing over and over again in my head. A mass. I walked, rather floated, back over to Isaac across the waiting room and wasn’t even sitting down before the words came spilling out of my mouth. “There is a mass in my ovary, doctor says it’s complex. He’s going to call me later today with more information.”
It took everything in me to not burst into tears. A mass?! I need that word out of my head. He wasn’t calling it a cyst, he called it a mass. Sure, mass can be and is used all the time to describe perfectly harmless growths, but I hate the word. Isaac and I left the Imaging Center at 4pm and didn’t hear from the doctor until 6pm. It was a very long two hours.
My doctor said that it is indeed a complex mass and the x-ray technicians are not calling it an ovarian cyst, but they aren’t NOT calling it an ovarian cyst. Basically, they need me to go get it looked at more before a true diagnosis can be made. My doctor is making me an appointment to see an OB/GYN on Monday morning who will perform more tests to see what kind of little mass we are dealing with. Actually, it’s not little at all. It is the size of a baseball. A freaking BASEBALL.
I’m not freaking out yet, I’m trying not to freak out yet. There is a really good chance that the OB will run a few tests and see that it is just a bizarre ovarian cyst and it may or may not have to be removed. I am trying to let that be the only possible outcome in my mind.
So instead of spending the rest of the weekend going on runs in the sun and catching up with a friend who was supposed to visit, I will be laying in bed hoping my baseball-sized “baby” decides to stay the same size and not cause more pain, or we are off to the Emergency Room.
I’m not posting this for sympathy or anything, trust me my family and friends have already been amazingly supportive and encouraging! I’m always welcoming prayers though! Writing helps me process emotions, feelings, and thoughts. It helps me put everything into perspective. Whew, I actually already feel better putting everything on “paper.”
For now, I will keep cracking jokes, staying positive, and telling Isaac that our “baby” is going to look just like him while trying to not laugh at my own hilarity (it hurts). We are now referring to it as “Tamara” and I am making Isaac call me “Tia.”Wish us luck for the rest of the weekend! I’ll keep you posted.
The Other Courtney 
Praying everything is okay!! Keep me posted, little “sis”! xo
Courtney dear,
I believe that all will be well with this and that whatever happens, you are surrounded by friends and family and the love of your life, Isaac, who will be keeping you in our hearts and thoughts. It is very healing to be able to write about this. Keep writing and let us all know what happens. You are in my heart and prayers — and I’ll send you jin shin jytsu!
Much love,
Behba
Wow! What amazing resilience, calm and humor you have in the face of this unknown. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts so candidly…what an inspiration you are! Isaac is a very lucky guy. And we are are fortunate to have you in our family. Love you so much!
OMG! As long as it has your eyes, I’ll be stoked!
Seriously though, I’ll definitely send some positive energy your way – I know exactly what you’re going through.
Stay tough and keep us updated.
-Mel
Thank you Mel!!
And yes I agree, it better have my baby blues 😉
BTW … regarding your blog post title, I LOVE that scene in Kindergarten Cop. http://bit.ly/tumah
Yep it’s my favorite movie of all time I think!
First of all, I ‘Liked’ your post because of your writing and your ability to stay positive during this time of waiting. (Didn’t want you thinking I was liking the situation you and Isaac are in).
Secondly, Lee and I will be sure to keep you in our prayers. Lee has gone through some recent medical mishaps (lots of symptoms, lots of tests, lots of unknowns), and in the end, prayer was the most effective medicine. So we will be praying for you and awaiting anxiously for new information.
As for the ‘mass’, I shall refer to it as Baby Spalding. Keep your spirits up and don’t let the situation strike you out (pun horribly intended).
Your comment made me laugh, thank you!! I will also be praying for you guys, the waiting and unknown is just the worst.
Spalding- I like it!!! Not gonna lie the baseball puns crack me up. Last night Isaac asked if I wanted to go play catch in the yard and I said “what? No I have to lay down and not move a whole lot!” he then just looked at my belly and I said “oh…” haahha.
Again, thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. I’ll let you know how things go next week.
What a scary day for you and Isaac! You have an amazing circle of family and friends who will always be there for you and we all love you. Prayers will definitely be said and like you, staying super positive. Let Isaac take care of you.. treat you like a queen and try to relax as you catch up on all the fav shows. Sending a huge hug through the miles!
Thank you so much for your words, Heather! Isaac has been wonderful (of course) and has been tending to my every need. In fact while we were eating dinner I said “man I never drink soda but I could definitely down a coke right now” and he goes “want me to go get some at the store!?” It’s a good indicator of how awesome he is going to be someday when I’m prego (with a real baby haha)!
Anyway, I really appreciate your encouragement and prayers. Have a great weekend with your boy home!!!
Tia and Tamara?!! Sister sister (is that even it?) geez you are one strange bird and I love everything about you!! Including your “baby”!! You know I’m here for you in any shape or form! Sweet dreams, catch up on some TV and let your baby daddy wait on you!! 😀
I am expecting your hear your sunshiny voice tomorrow!! Love you to pieces!!
Hahhaha yeah from Sister Sister!
My baby daddy, LOl! He is being great!!!
Talk to you tomorrow, my love. xoxoxo