The Way to Ruin a Perfect Day

Shopping. Shopping for clothes is the way to ruin the most beautiful of days. The sun can be shining, the birds chirping, my hair looking red carpet worthy, and none of it matters. As soon as I step into a cramped dressing room surrounded by 18 mirrors all apparently on fun-house setting, my whole day is shot. I feel pretty confident about my appearance and body (especially since losing some weight), but I find that clothes shopping really brings out the nasty self deprecating side of me.

Today, for example, I was shopping at KOHL’S for some new work outfits. I tried on a pretty pleated pink dress (aka something WAY too girly for me) and said to myself in the mirror (yes, out loud) “oh you look REALLY cute Courtney, really freaking cute. You look like a stupid nursery rhyme character. Freakin Miss Muffet is in the house.” I then tore the dress off of my body as fast as possible and threw it into the growing pile of rejects.

After spending an hour trying on clothes and finding nothing, I stormed over to the jewelry counter and grabbed the first shiny object I saw. It fit, perfect. I waited 10 minutes in the line just so I wouldn’t have to leave yet another department story empty handed. I really do like the ring, so I guess it all worked out. Too bad I can’t just wear this bad boy and my favorite pair of heels to work, eh?

I hate shopping. Now, shopping for accessories and workout clothes is another story. I could spend hours buying sweat pants, T-shirts, and purses. Is it okay to choose your profession based on the uniform you have to wear? Because on my angry drive home from KOHL’S, I think that is what I decided to do. I mentally made this list of my top 5 career choices, and I am 90% serious about pursing some of them:

  1. Personal Trainer– Wearing yoga pants, a tank top, and sneakers to work every day has got to be the best thing ever. And having a job that gives you a ripped body by default? I’m in.
  2. Garbage Collector– Okay this may sound ridiculous, but their outfits look super comfortable. Blue jump suit has my name written all over it. No buttons, no bows, no poofy shoulders, and no elastic waste band cutting off your circulation. You basically get to wear an adult onesie to work. Maybe they’d just let me drive the truck so I wouldn’t have to touch any actual trash.
  3. Dolphin Trainer– been there, done that. The uniform was AWESOME, except for the rash you sometimes get from being wet 24/7. Plus, the fish allergy I have acquired in recent years won’t allow this career to happen again.
  4. Nurse– I could rock some scrubs, sure! But would I have to deal with whiny patients and demanding doctors? Also, I am the world’s worst math and science person. Is that a problem?
  5. Stay at home mom Fiance– I tried pitching this idea to Isaac and it didn’t go as well as I had hoped. I explained to him that with no kids and no pets at home, I could keep the house SUPER clean and have a hot dinner on the table every night. If he forgot his lunch at home one day, I could bring it to him at work with a little love note inside. Hellloooo what’s not to love about a stay at home fiance?

As for now, I will continue to wake up every morning and reluctantly throw on my “business casual” costume. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll get lucky and a modeling scout from LA will be visiting my little old NC town. He will see me strutting down aisle 5 of Harris Teeter in my yoga pants and Champion sweatshirt and think “hey, that girl would be the perfect snuggie model. I must have her.” A girl can dream.

2 thoughts on “The Way to Ruin a Perfect Day

  1. Ahhhh! Clothes shopping stinks! Fashion is ridiculous lately. Who would wear a glitter tank with a huge cupcake on it? Okay- MAYBE a 13-year-old girl. But in the women’s section? That’s why I go for sleeveless maxi-dresses in the spring/summer. They hide the “fluff”, are easy to slip on, and just add sandals and boom! Done. You can also dress them up with accessories and heels. You’d look so sweet in one. I bet you have GREAT shoulders.

    You should add “Bill Cosby” to your list. If you were Bill Cosby, you could get away with jeans and vintage 90’s sweaters! What’s not to love about Bill Cosy sweaters?

    • EXACTLY!! You read my mind. That is part of the reason my shopping trip was so miserable. Every shirt I tried on was literally see-through. I’d like to own a few shirts that you don’t have to wear 2 layers underneath. No free shows here, ladies and gentlemen. And the bizarre sparkly design shirts are just a little too much.

      Bill Cosby, you are so right.

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