Rants, Raves, Relationship Advice, and World Peace

I got into bed last night with every intention of going straight to sleep. But as all people who own smart phones know, there is a web-surfing rabbit hole that is easy to fall into when you are in bed, no matter how exhausted you are. You stare at your little glowing rectangle of fun with bloodshot eyes and drool on your chin telling yourself,  just one more Pinterest pin, just one more Reddit picture, just one more Facebook post.

Last night, my rabbit hole started somewhere in funny animal pictures, took a detour to Facebook, and ended in the Craigslist Rants and Raves section where I learned that some of the most brilliant, innovative minds are solving our world problems– for free. Hey, Obama! Obama– quick!!! The answers to our problems with the middle east, racism, adultery, poverty, domestic violence, and some really solid sounding conspiracy theories are right under our noses! And the logic is flawless.

Something tells me that Kindergarten teachers are not attracted to adults who speak on a kindergarten level. 

cl11

Hear that, girls? Just say you fat. Don’t fluff it up and mislead us men, we is easily confused.
And OP? Don’t say you “street smart” or “thug”, just say you stupid. OK.

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Um, ouch?

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TIL that I am one of the most vindictive creatures known to man

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Sauce containers = an end to domestic violence. Why hasn’t anyone else thought of this?

cl5 On this week’s episode of rejected country songs: I can’t buy diapers with handjobs

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My brain literally hearts from reading this

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Someone is very upset about the fact that infomercials exist. So let me see if I understand this correctly:
infomercials = bored people = rage = killing sprees
Also, “nymphomericals” is my new favorite word

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All ya’ll that are profiting from my birth and trying to mind control me…cut that shit out immediately

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Just curious. 

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Because the best way to handle noisy neighbors is to post anonymously on Craigslist instead of actually confronting your neighbors.
Taking passive aggressiveness to a new level, my friend. Hats off to you! 

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I don’t know what it means, but it gave me chills

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2 thoughts on “Rants, Raves, Relationship Advice, and World Peace

  1. Wow! Maybe I should find this all incredibly sad instead of hilarious, but I’d have to stop laughing first.

    I can’t buy diapers with handjobs is so set to be the next catchphrase… of something. Not sure what yet but it’s too catchy not to be!

  2. Okay, it’s time for a whole lot of people to lose access to the world wide interweb. I mean right friggin’ now.

    It’s amazing you didn’t stick a meat skewer into your temple…repeatedly. God bless you for posting.

    Please don’t so this again. I am crying on the inside. Loudly.

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