Oh, interesting. The main character works as a professional letter writer. People of the future don’t write their own letters to loved ones, they hire people to do it for them. I can actually see this happening in the not-so-distant future. Interesting concept.
Soundtrack is good, character development is good, plot is interesting, so far so good. Dad and I approve.
Main character calls sex hotline to chat with another lonely person. Hoping & praying we don’t actually hear the phone sex exchange
But it’s okay! Because we are both adults, and we can sit through a sex scene together at the movie theater. No problem.
Because, like, I have definitely never had sex before and I don’t really know what sex is, so it’s cool, right dad?? I’m still your little girl. This isn’t weird at all, like…what is sex even? I don’t know what that word is. It’s fine.
It gets really hot and heavy. The girl talks about his manly man parts, and what she’ll do with them
It just keeps going and going. I refuse to move a muscle or make eye contact with dad. It has to end soon, right?
Full frontal naked pregnant lady appears, apparently it’s one of the fantasies of the main character
It’s over, phew. We’re out of the woods, we made it through the raunchy part of the movie. Now onto more plot development!
Just kidding, that was only a warmup to the 3 minute long sex scene getting ready to happen
The screen goes black and for three solid minutes we hear moaning and screaming blasting through the theater at 100 decibles
Except this time, he’s not having phone sex with an actual person. It’s with his phone’s operating system (picture a very advanced, futuristic Siri)
His OS says, “I want you inside me”
I start laughing uncontrollably because I don’t know what else to do
It’s not ending. I want to die
Okay, it’s finally ending. The moaning is getting less and less loud and the computer is almost done climaxing.
I finally gain the courage to look my dad in the eye and whisper
Yeah, some other non-sexual things happened in the movie, it wasn’t all ear porn, but I was too traumatized to focus. Overall, the script was cheesy and boring, in my opinion
It was supposed to be a cute & quirky romcom
We both agree to ditch the creepily-pornogrpahic-without-actually-showing-naked-people movie and get our money back
And I silently swear that going forward, I’ll only watch movies with my dad if they are made by Disney
Because neither of us deserves to experience anything like that. Ever. Again.