The only reason I enjoy Monday’s is because I always get Chipotle for lunch. I also eat it on Wednesday’s, Thursday’s, and most Friday’s, but on Monday it is the only reason I smile.

27-year old college students need not call their grades a “report card.” It is a transcript. If you keep calling it a “report card” I am going to take away your recess time and send you to the principal’s office.

How come when you express any interest in purchasing an animal, everyone decides to tell you what a horrible idea it is? It kills me how even people with dogs, cats, lizards, sheep, you name it jump on the hater-ade bandwagon. Why not offer encouragement and excitement? Why not ask questions to learn about the animal as opposed to immediately saying “it’s going to be awful you don’t know what you’re getting into.” Oh yeah? Who died and made YOU king of the jungle? If I’m old enough and financially able to purchase and care for an animal, then I am old enough to deal with the potentially negative consequences that owning said animal may bring. How would you feel if you announced your engagement, pregnancy, or new job and everyone immediately responded with “oooh being married sucks, you don’t want to do that” or “a kid? are you joking? They can be fun but BOY are they a lot of work. I don’t know if you realize that.” Thank you captain obvious. I am not meaning to hurt feelings of any of my FB friends that have warned me against purchasing a pet. I know you are only offering your experiences and concern. Just needed a rant as I have constantly been told for years why owning X, Y, or Z pet is a bad idea.

Why can’t we take the lottery money (just once or twice) and put it towards the national debt? Would that even help or are we too far gone? Yeah yeah yeah I know that people who play the lottery would freak out and protest, but might it be worth it? I think the government should stage a winner (so as not to make the redneck troops rally) and make it look like Joe Shmoe from Indiana won the lottery. Joe Shmoe is actually a CIA agent who safely deposits the millions of dollars into this beautiful nation’s bank account. Errr rather sends it off to China.

Why do I sleep better when my bed is made before I get into it at night?

Do some people actually think that a waiter or waitress is happy with a 15% tip after giving perfect service? Do people think that 15% is a nice thing to do? I’m not trying to be sarcastic, I am genuinely curious.

Colour. Favourite. Are these real ways to spell the words “color” and “favorite”? I thought that was the British way of spelling them? Also, is the color spelled “gray” or “grey”? Help English majors!!

What makes a man think he can say to me “you look a lot better without glasses” when I’m wearing my glasses?

I love pigs. I think they are cute, charming, and are just awesome in general. I love their little curly tails and the snorting sounds they make. Pigs have always been one of my favorite animals. Coincidentally, ham, pulled pork, and sausage are three of my favorite foods. Is this a problem?

To me, there is nothing sexier or more attractive than a person who smells of clean laundry. The slight scent of Bounce or All trumps any perfume or cologne in my book. Maybe it’s because I cannot use these delicious smelling laundry detergents (allergic), or maybe it’s because I’m obsessed with personal hygeine. Either way, a man smelling of clean laundry is what my fantasies are made of.