He Invited Me To His Hot Tub [Looking For Advice From Google]

My dream job is working for Google. I don’t know if Google offers the type of job that I would like to do, but one can dream. I want to sit in a cold, dark room surrounded by giant computers and servers and watch what people type into the Google search bar. If anybody knows if this is a possibility, please tell me where to send my resume. Until then, I will practice and pretend by reading what people have typed into Google in order to be directed to my blog.

See, WordPress has a feature that tells me how people are getting to my blog. It will say that “today X number of people got to The Other Courtney from a link on Facebook” and so on. OK you get it. One of my favorite activities has become reading the search terms that people use to get to my blog. Some make sense, like the popular “homemade salt and vinegar chips” that directs there here, and some are just outrageous. So now I present to you my favorite ways that people have landed on theothercourtney.wordpress.com (with some commentary when necessary).

  • scab in umbilicus (I’m not sure I want to know more about this one)
  • belly poking out (brought them to the post I wrote when my baby sister graduated high school heheh)
  • addicted to crime shows
  • what is a sorority big sister
  • salsa dreams (me too, man. You know you are obsessed when you dream about salsa)
  • what happens if you pour vinegar in an open wound? (screaming. It’s called lots of screaming and cursing)
  • peed her pants/Courtney pee herself (I see my wetting my pants story has gotten around…)
  • good single statuses for facebook (I bet “I have lots of money and nobody to spend it on” would catch a few girls)
  • what is a good status that will get you a facebook wife (Now I’m just confused. Is there something called a “facebook wife”? I wouldn’t be surprised.)
  • Jesus camp has made me lose faith in people (saaaaame. But don’t worry, not all of us Christians have completely lost touch with reality and believe in brainwashing children )
  • eczema bread (sounds delish. Top it off with some Psoriasis butter and  you’re good to go. Where can I get some??)
  • would windex cure eczema (no, stop taking medical advice from My Big Fat Greek Wedding!)
  • my date is an hour late (dump him)
  • I hate the phrase live laugh love (I think you are my best friend)
  • he invited me to his hot tub (don’t do it! Haven’t you heard you can get pregnant from a dirty hot tub!??)
  • church camp jokes (always the crowd pleasers)
  • daddy issues normal? (made me sad…)
  • Is Courtney a dorky name? (According to my in-depth research, Courtney is actually the opposite of dorky name)
  • I hate forwards (again, I think you are my best friend. Lets meet up)
  • If you don’t find jokes about the rapture funny
  • Another word for asking if you’re single 
  • camps to brainwash your children (SOMEBODY FIND THIS PERSON AND TAKE AWAY THE CHILDREN.)
  • colton burpo heaven cats (trick question. There are no cats in heaven, just dogs. Sorry cat people!)
  • good names with Thrasher 
  • belly button lint
  • is it an insult to say later alligator? (yes, how DARE you)
  • recently single statuses (it’s funny how many people google this. And you thought all of your facebook friends were being so original with their witty status updates!)
  • do Amish people eat hummus? (yes, as long as you don’t need a blender to make it)
  • you me and detective stabler (you don’t have to ask me twice)
  • when friends attack
  • biting popsicles gives me the chills (glad I’m not the only one!)
  • opposite of daddy issues 
  • I feel like the world revolves around me
  • should I finish school first or move? (It makes me laugh how people type questions into Google that are completely personal and specific to THEIR own lives. What do they expect Google to do, give a three page report on the pros and cons for Sally from Minnesota?)
  • Rules of being an adult baby (rule #1: you don’t)

The next three weird me out a LITTLE bit:

  • Courtney Peterson and Isaac (okay, maybe it was a relative looking for our engagement story that I posted)
  • Courtney and Isaac engagement Winston Salem (okay, once again, maybe a friend or relative)
  • Courtney and Isaac recently engaged what is their life like? (this is where it gets weird. I can’t help but picture an old ex-boyfriend sitting in his basement smelling of stale beer and Cheetos typing this into Google. It WOULD be okay to actually talk to me and ASK how my life is as opposed to this. But hey, whatever floats your boat. Stalk away friend, stalk away.

And my personal favorite of all time:

  • Is it socially acceptable for me to be playing “Say My Name” pretty loud? 
The answer is yes; it is always acceptable to play Destiny’s Child hits from the year 2000 as loud as one wants to.

4 thoughts on “He Invited Me To His Hot Tub [Looking For Advice From Google]

  1. Pingback: What I Don’t Miss « The Other Courtney

  2. So funny. And the psioriasis one? Hysterical. I wish I knew how to figure out what people are typing in to see my blog. Google didn’t help. Seriously.

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