I’d Rather Be Camping

I’m not a camping kind of girl. When I first met Isaac, I told him I loved camping. After we started dating, he quickly learned that my feelings towards camping were roughly on the same level as a trip to the dentist or a pap smear. They aren’t the worst things in the world, but I’d just rather not. I told him I loved camping for one simple reason: I wanted to spend a weekend alone in nature with the guy I was crushing on. The whole sleeping in a tent/getting filthy/outdoor allergies thing would just be an annoying inconvenience to our weekend getaway. That weekend getaway never happened, but I wanted to make sure the possibility was there.

I don’t like camping, yet I’d rather be zipped into a humid, pollen-caked tent right now than in this hotel. Isaac and I are out of town for a wedding and we had to get a pet friendly hotel because ALL of the hotels in this granola city are pet friendly. I’ve stayed at pet friendly hotels before and have been been okay, so I wasn’t too worried about it. This hotel, however, is not okay.

We walked into our assigned room after a mile long hike from the lobby and as soon as the door opened and my nose caught whiff of the situation, I looked at Isaac and simply said, “no.” Within 60 seconds of being in the room we were coughing, congested, and felt like we could taste the wet dog/urine aroma. It didn’t just smell like the house of someone who owns dirty dogs, no that would have been a drastic improvement. It smelled like the animal shelter on a hot day or the kennel we board Henri at, where I have to hold my breath so my lungs don’t shut down in protest. You just can’t cover up 50 years of dog piss.

We marched back to the lobby to request a room away from dog piss hall, as I named that wing of the hotel. The visibly frustrated man switched our room, and we prepared to again drag our luggage clear across the hotel. I also asked if the beds had feather pillows because I am allergic and the woman at the counter said “oh I’m not sure, great question. I hope not!” and went back to what she was doing. 5-star service here, folks.

This second room is nowhere near as bad as the first one, but it isn’t great. Isaac and I are doped up on Benadryl, Claritin, Flovent, Albuterol, and eye drops, and we are still slightly miserable. I have caught myself day dreaming about having an allergic reaction so I can be whisked away by ambulance to a clean, sterile hospital. I would sleep so soundly in their crisp white sheets and well ventilated rooms, dog piss hall a distant, horrific memory.

At 12:00 AM we discussed driving back home, even though we wouldn’t get there till 3:00 AM. That seemed too unbearable though, especially knowing we’d just have to come right back for the wedding tomorrow. Instead we showered, threw the feather pillows off the bed, stuffed our pajama pant pockets with tissues, and I prayed that I wouldn’t die in my sleep.

Two hours after passing out, we were awoken by the hotel’s fire alarm. For a minute, I wondered if God was answering one of my snarky prayers from earlier and was burning this nasty building to the ground. Hallelujah! No such luck, the fire alarm went off after a minute and Isaac and I each did a puff of an inhaler and went back to sleep.

We startled awake again 30 minutes later to the sound of an urgent, authoritative knock on our door. Oh, it’s a fireman waking us up at 3 AM, great. In my overly asthma medicated, groggy mind I thought, If Isaac ordered a stripper to spice up our weekend, he could have planned the timing a little better. Also, that equipment looks really legit. Why are we going to need an oxygen tank and an axe? So kinky!

Turns out he was a real fireman (still cute enough to be a stripper) and had to inspect our room and fire alarm to make sure this fine establishment in all of its dog piss glory wasn’t about to go up in flames. I felt terrible for him, you could tell he was so uncomfortable waking up hundreds of families, couples, businessmen, and flea-infested dogs. He was just getting started on what was sure to be a long, pointless night. I’m sure he’d rather be camping, too.

So here I lay with red, watery eyes and a whistling nose, typing out the last 12 hours that are almost laughable. I’m starving because my food allergies prevent me from easily accessing safe food when on a trip. My planned dinner and breakfast from the vending machine are impossible, they are all broken. Of course. What blows my mind the most is that this is a FOUR STAR hotel. It’s moldy, musky feel reminds me of the $35 Motel 6 I stayed in while on Spring Break in college. We found pubes in the sheets and our window had bars on it- but at least it didn’t smell like an animal graveyard.

I’m desperately trying to adjust my attitude and not bitch 100% of the time we are here. I don’t like to complain, but feeling trapped and possibly in danger because of allergies and an expensive weekend that turned into an eczema/allergy/asthma disaster sucks. I had to get it all out in one long, whining post and now maybe I can enjoy my weekend in the mountains.

We’ll see.

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I wish you could smell this photo

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15 thoughts on “I’d Rather Be Camping

  1. Pingback: 2013 In Pictures | The Other Courtney

    • Nope. $150 down the drain for the night we didn’t stay. We booked through a third party so the hotel clerk didn’t even miss a beat when saying “sorry you’ll not get any money back for the second night, have a great day.” It was worth it though to not sleep there again.

      • I don’t know about you, but it’s situations like that that make me a social media menace. I consider myself somewhat of a service connoisseur, and severly bad service sends me into a Twitter fit. Companies need to know when they/their employees are failing.

        • While I haven’t twittered or facebooked about it, I have gone on trip advisor and left a scathing review!! I’m going to try to post it other places too. The thing is, I just don’t think management gives a rats ass. Hopefully the reviews will help other people avoid it though. Ugh. I still feel like I stink from the experience haha!

  2. Ugh! Sounds unbearable! I generally don’t like to complain either, but I’m starting to find that it sometimes helps to just get it all out! Hope things got better and you were able to enjoy the rest of your weekend! πŸ™‚

    • You know what, after writing this I was TOTALLY fine. My bad attitude dropped and I was really able to see the humor in it all. Writing is really cathartic for me, and this proves it! Too bad my readers sometimes have to suffer through the whining lol πŸ™‚ The rest of the weekend was great, we wandered around downtown in the pouring rain and got breakfast at the cutest little nook, we loved it. The wedding was great too!

    • Hahah I know, it was SO ICKY!!!! Isaac kept telling me to shower and I’d feel better and I barely wanted to, just because I was so freaked out to take my clothes off haha! ICK!!! It’s bad when you feel like taking a shower might make you dirtier somehow…

  3. OMG Court!!! I am so sorry you are going through all of that however I am still chuckling five minutes after reading this thinking about dog piss hall. Your description was so good that I could feel my throat hurting thinking about that disgusting smell. I hope the wedding proves to be enjoyable and I’m sure it will be a much needed break from your glamorous room.

    • hahahah UGH I wish you were there so I could have seen your face, I know you would have had a similar expression to mine! Absolutely horrified. Such a shame too b/c the lobby and bar of the hotel were GORGEOUS, huge stone fireplaces and such. I guess they put all their energy into that entrance and let the hallways and rooms fall to pieces. Ick! The wedding was great and the weekend ended up being really fun!! We were able to get over the disappointment and enjoy it πŸ˜€

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