The Chair of Self Loathing

This morning I spent two hours in a dentist chair having some work done. The chair was made of tempurpedic material and I was covered in a soft fleece blanket the whole time (yes my dentist is awesome), but it was STILL a trip to the dentist.

The worst part of my dental adventure was not the shot in my gum, the drilling of my tooth, or even the intentional poking of a sensitive root to try and figure out what is causing me pain. No, the worst part was when the doctor grabbed a mirror, put it in front of my face, and said “here let me show you the tooth I’m referring to.” I could barely look at the tooth he was pointing to because my nose hairs, puffy eyes, uneven skin tone, bumps, and what appeared to be a slight mustache got in the way. I don’t know what kind of light bulb is used in those overhead fixtures but I do know that I hope to never experience myself in that lighting again.

Before my appointment I was feeling pretty darn cute. I had my hair done, makeup fresh, and eyebrows somewhat tweezed. After the unfortunate sight of my face under the dental lights and in an ultra-magnified mirror? I felt about as cute as Courtney Love on an especially bad day. I have to wonder, do dentists find anybody attractive? How can they?!

The face I saw in the mirror

So now I have a business plan in mind: a dentist with spa services. I am not one to ever go to the spa, I personally think it is a waste of money. Once or twice a year I can understand, but more than that is a little too indulgent for me. That being said, after my run in with the surgical grade light bulbs and magnified mirror this morning, I would have begged for hot wax to be poured on my face and my blackheads to be picked at by a professional.

If my spa/dentist idea doesn’t pan out, it may be in my best interest to go ahead and hit up the salon a few days prior to a dental appointment. I think I can handle a waxing/pulling/plucking/nail painting/skin smoothing treatment at the spa once every six months. That should make for a much more enjoyable experience in the unforgiving dentist chair.

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