Sucker Punch

In July my family is going to my aunt’s beach house for a week or so. We are honoring my grandfather on his birthday, and it will also be the first time we have all gathered since Timmy’s death.

This morning I woke up thinking about the beach trip and had images go flying through my head. I pictured Lissy and I sunning ourselves on the porch. I pictured myself holding my nephew, Liam, only a month old. I saw papa telling stories and nana begging to go play scrabble or ping pong. I pictured Matt, Tim, and Jeremy playing in the waves and fishing from the pier. It hit me like a brick wall. Not that I had “forgotten” that Tim is gone, but it doesn’t feel real still. It felt like someone sucker punched me bringing me to my knees.

I spent the morning blow drying my hair with tear-filled eyes. Death is weird, the loss of someone comes in waves. An expectation that someone will and should be on the beach trip, and then realizing they won’t be. I miss Tim so very much. I miss his laugh, the faces he made, his kind heart, everything about him.

Time continues to heal, but it just sucks.

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One thought on “Sucker Punch

  1. So well put, Courtney! It is a sucker punch and it was sooo very hard to be at the beach without him, especailly considering that I was last with Tim at the beach. Just so sad and so many “what ifs”. I did tell him that I loved him and I remind everyone around me to say that to those people whom they love, too. You are such an inspirtion, Courtney. Plese keep writing. MWAH….. Larissa arrived safely in Kenya. Can’t wait to see you and the fam at the beach in July. Hugs to the “boy”.

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