Hello my name is Courtney and I am addicted to crime television shows. Dexter, Law and Order SVU, Criminal Minds, Prison Break, Numbers, Flashpoint, you name it. If it has serial killers, blood, guns, a sexy detective, and a witty female cop who is way too good looking to be a cop, I’m in. I have a particularly bad habit of watching these shows right before bed so they give me nice bloody, horrific dreams.

A few weeks ago I noticed that I had been consistently more anxious than usual. While journaling I noted that I had been watching a lot of crime television shows and wondered if that had any affect on my anxiety level. Maybe watching hours of people being murdered, raped, and brutalized was messing with my head even if I wasn’t consciously thinking about it. I mentioned this theory to Isaac; he laughed and said “Umm, ya think?!”

So now it has been a week without Detective Benson, Stabler, Jason Gideon, or Don Eppes FBI agent. I miss them, and I know they miss me. I hate to say it, but my hypothesis “fewer crime shows will reduce anxiety” came back positive. Well, negative in my opinion, but positive results. I go to sleep easier and wake up less during the night. I can walk to my car in the morning without thinking someone is hiding in the backseat with chloroform and a knife ready to gut me. For the most part, I have stopped having the what-if thoughts, although it is one of my favorite games to play with myself:

What if I am driving down the road and crash into a ditch? A man finds me and offers to drive me to the hospital but instead takes me to his creepy basement dungeon where he torchers me for months. He ties me up and lets rabid hamsters crawl all over me and nibble away at my flesh which he has smothered with a nice concoction of egg white, shellfish, and pollen. How did he know my worst allergens? Finally the cops find me but guess what?! They are corrupt cops and sell me in the human trafficking market. The guy that buys me feels bad for me and sends me back home, but  I am never the same.

Sadly, this is not that far off from some of the stories I have created in my all-too-imaginative mind while driving down I-40.

So now you see why the influence of crime television shows may not be the BEST thing for me. I am messed up creative enough; I don’t need sick plotted TV shows to encourage my psychotic and unrealistic thoughts. I am still going to allow myself to watch these shows every now and then..but going on 48 hour crime-filled marathons will no longer be happening.

I promise Detective Stabler, it’s not you, it’s me. You deserve someone better. Can we still be friends?